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I initially thought the campus made me unhappy and that it wasn’t for me. I’ve experienced the same despair while being home and attending a different college, only worse. No matter where I go, my depression will follow if I continue to avoid it. After two years, I’ve realized it was me – it was my depression. Not my location.
I really miss the dorm-life and my roommates, but I also know what I would have missed if I remained there:
My mother started getting really sick, so when my aunt returned from Florida and I came back from Pennsylvania, it cheered her up. Laughter really is good medicine. Family brought up her spirits.
I also came home for a boyfriend, which I now believe shouldn’t be a reason. For example, Lauren from The Hills. I know, “it’s just a reality show,” but she made the same unwise choice I did, just on a bigger scale. She was offered a summer internship to Paris, instead she decided to stay in Los Angeles with her boyfriend, Jason. When she returned back from the summer vacation to continue working at Teen Vogue, her boss asked if she regretted it. You can see it in Lauren’s eyes that she truly did. I would make a choice for my family, but not for a boyfriend. Family’s forever. Boyfriends come and go.
If I were still attending Penn State, I would have missed band practices, shows, spending time with Gizmo *tear*, bonding with Alfredo ’cause he’s basically my brother now, birthday celebrations, drama and all other great stuff involving friends and family. Some things aren’t meant to be, and that’s alright. I believe I was meant to go there for a few things: the experience, Monique who helped me with my faith, Rasheeda, and Corey.
After overcoming depression and my mother’s better health, I’d love to return and finish there. The independence and experience was great, but my circumstance didn’t allow me to truly enjoy it.
